How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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