I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
