She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
