hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
