It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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