Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
