I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
