I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
