I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
