Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
