What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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