i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
