is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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