he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
