Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
