I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
