just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
