Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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