did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So squirting runs in the family.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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