I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
