So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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