I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
