he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
