dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
