Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
