What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
