wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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