I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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