lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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