That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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