If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
