i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
