Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
