I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
R you on birth control?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do you still have your period?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Your tits are I can't wait for
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
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