Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
