I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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