You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
