she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it's like iHOP with fire
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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