i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
