It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
