Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
