I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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