Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
