Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
