Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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