Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i dont even know how to be here
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
