I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
