So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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