this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
