No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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