I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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