Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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