What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
