there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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