my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You made out with two different species that night
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize