on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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