Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
