She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
