thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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