cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
