I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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