It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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