Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
