he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
