i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize