you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
