so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
