did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
