I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
