This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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