I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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