i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
