Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
