This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
