Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Randomize
