Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
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I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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