I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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